This Sentence Is False: The Paradox Of Language

At some point in your life, you've probably been introduced to the "this sentence is false" paradox or one of its many variants. The problem with the statement is that if the sentence is true then the sentence is false, meaning it's true, meaning it's false... we could go on forever. Needless to say the only truth in the sentence is that it's a paradox. Or is it?

This picture is also paradoxical.

A lot of people who spend more time thinking than doing (we'll call them philosophers) believe this to be the case. However, it is only in certain languages that this works.

A few people have tried to get their heads around this conundrum. Some have even stated that it can't be true or false because language can only imply truths, and not ensure them. For example, just because you say it doesn't make it true... or is that false?

How many times have you said something as an absolute when you actually meant it as a generalisation? Think of "French cuisine is fantastic", you can't possibly mean all food in France is amazing. If you do mean that then you've never gone to Quick, the French equivalent of McDonald's. What about the famous "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" (this is not a pipe) artwork by Magritte? It was asserting that it was an image of a pipe, rather than an actual pipe... which we think is probably being overly pedantic.

Ceci n'est pas haute cuisine.

All we can really assert about "this sentence is false" is that it can be useful to escape crazed robots and AIs since their programming cannot process logical paradoxes.

What Is The World's Sexiest Accent?

Sometimes it's not what you say but how you said it. We've been looking into which accents are most likely to help you convince somebody that they should share their genetic material with you.

This list is hardly definitive. You can't always expect your accent entice members of the opposite sex. Following some research and our personal preferences, we think we have a decent short-list of contenders for the title of world's sexiest language. Here they are in alphabetical order.

American, Southern American

Though it's not at the top of everyone's list, the American accent is well-known and can be very popular, especially if you're from the Deep South. There's something very friendly about the accent which can do its speakers a great favour if they're trying to get someone in the sack. Yeehaw!

This cowgirl sure knows how to use a lasso!

Australian

This one crops up quite a bit in lists... most people are probably thinking of Kylie Minogue and Nicole Kidman, which doesn't hurt. The film Australia could help put this accent in the running, plus you can't forget that Australians are viewed as some of the most fun-loving and friendly people on the planet.

Brazilian Portuguese

Given that Brazilians are already considered sexy, they didn't really need a sexy accent. Nevertheless, they have one and it's definitely sexy. The home of Carnival is full of people with a beautiful not quite Spanish and not quite French sounding accent. It's really a winning combination.

British, Oxford British

Not really an accent that would conjure up the idea of a party animal. This accent is adored by everyone looking for their very own Mr. Darcy. The sophistication that goes with the accent conjures up visions of culture, Downton Abbey and helps people forget that their skin is as pale as paper.

We didn't dare to tease the ladies with a
mention of Mr. Darcy...

French

The language of love was bound to figure in this list. The musical nature of French helps it rank highly on most lists you'll find. Given their fame for being exceptional lovers, the French probably don't mind this stereotype. That said, they've got a big reputation to live up to.

Irish

They have the luck of the Irish when it comes to the accent department. We are of course talking about the Irish accent from the Republic of Ireland and not Northern Ireland. Friendly, melodic and soft, except when they've had a few too many pints of Guinness.

Italian

Famed for being passionate, Italians have the accent to match. A few rolled r's and most people feel their legs miraculously turn to jelly.

Russian

James Bond wasn't the only person with a soft-spot for a Russian accent. He liked to think he was in control but we reckon he was powerless against their accent.

Scottish

The Scottish accent is not only considered sexy but it's also one of the best-trusted accents in the UK. If you need somebody to tell you bad news or convince you to buy something, you better have a Scottish accent. Of course, we're referring to the classic soft-spoken Scottish accents and not the howling of Rab C. Nesbitt.

Think Sean Connery as James Bond.
Does a sexier accent really exist?

South African, Afrikaans

A fun and friendly accent. The apparent mixing up of vowels keeps people listening attentively, while just hearing them say the name of their homeland will get your blood pumping.

Spanish

Definitely one of our favourites. It's fiery, passionate and very percussive. We love those rolled r's! It certainly helps that they see a lot of the sun and generally tend to be gorgeous people. Well done Spain.

Swedish

Aside from the stereotype of being stunning and blonde (or blond in the case of the men), the Swedes have it good in the accent department. They don't sound like the chef from The Muppets either.

Thinking of these accents is getting us a little hot so we best stop. Which ones do it for you? Are there any that need to be added to the list or taken away? Tell us below in the comments.

The Linguistic Diversity Of American Place Names

No matter where you're from, there's probably a town of the same name hiding somewhere in the United States. If you're from the U.S., then you'll probably find that your town's namesake existed long before your country did.

If you do hail from the original town and are not a native English speaker, you should prepare for disappointment in its American counterpart. Though it was probably named by settlers who spoke your native tongue, the correct pronunciation has likely long since disappeared from the American lexicon.

French

Though not incredibly popular with Americans, the French managed to be in possession of a hefty proportion of what is now the U.S. and there was no chance they were planning on giving the towns English names! Zut alors!

Of course, French is hardly a lingua franca in the States. The legacy left by French settlers is criminally mispronounced.

Baton Rouge? Sorry Frenchies, even though you could say this name with the perfect French accent, you've got it wrong. Des Moines? Still miles off.

Detroit is another fine example.

Spanish

You can't talk empires without mentioning the Spanish. They were incredible when it came to getting on boats and making things theirs. They helped give place names to nearly all of South and Central America, as well as most of the southern United States.

Due to shifting borders and English being the most spoken language in the U.S., the Spanish would still mispronounce Los Angeles, San Francisco, and even San Diego. Nevada and even Colorado sound nothing like originally intended.

San Francisco, home to cool streetcars!

English

Even English language place names in the US are seemingly mispronounced. Pittsburgh has a weird h on the end. If you've ever been to Scotland, you'll realise that this is commonplace. Edinburgh has it, and as a result, is not pronounced like "berg" but more like "borough". Given that Pittsburgh was founded by a Scot, the -h is hardly a coincidence.

The Pittsburgh skyline viewed from their baseball park.

God Save The Queen

When first settling and making sure that they'd made a fantastic holiday destination for the British monarchy, many settlers would name places in honour of the current ruling king or queen. Maryland was named after Queen Henrietta Maria.

Virginia may have even been a suggestion from Sir Walter Raleigh or even Queen Elizabeth I of England since she liked to be known as a virgin... the "West" in West Virginia refers to a geographical west and not the west of Queen Elizabeth I.

Just because it sounded cool

Some settlers used town names as an opportunity to flex their own linguistic creativity. Minneapolis came from the Dakota word for waterfall "minnehaha" and the Greek suffix "polis" for city. Imagine if they'd called it Minnehaha City or even Minnehahaville?

The original Memphis was once the capital city of Egypt. Although Memphis, Tennessee was inhabited by natives for thousands of years, the odds of them contacting Ancient Egyptians because they wanted to rename their town in homage to them was slim. The name Memphis was more of a marketing ploy by the investors who bought the town.

Memphis is home to The Pyramid Arena, one of the largest pyramids
in the world. It was originally used as a sports arena but is currently
being converted into a massive sporting goods store. Only in America...

Not so new now

More often than not, American place names are inspired by where the settlers came from. That's why "The Big Apple" was New Amsterdam until the English decided that York was better than Amsterdam. Is New Jersey better than plain old Jersey? Probably not.

Why British English Is Better: A British Perspective

At The Lingua File we write from both sides of the pond, which can occasionally make edits and redrafts a little tricky. Since we constantly bicker, today and tomorrow we're discussing which is better, British English or American English. Don't be hating, it's just a bit of fun!

It's time to get patriotic... linguistically.

Words

The lexicon of British English has more fun words. British comedian Michael McIntyre has made some good points on the lack of ambiguity in the American English lexicon. A few examples include sidewalk instead of the obviously correct pavement and path. We really don't need to be told where we're walking.

We can go horse riding instead of horseback riding. We know where to sit on a horse. That's why we did so well in the Olympics... at least in equestrian events. Mitt Romney's horse is shit.

The Swearwords

We have fantastic swear words (curse words) that Americans should study:
Arse, ass is the animal.
Bollocks, you will grow to love using this adaptable word.
Fanny refers to female genitalia, not the buttocks, please do not tell us about how you fell on your fanny.
Knackers are your testicles, unless you're a girl, then you don't have any.
Shite is a good replacement for shit, it rhymes with "light" if you're wondering.

Pronunciation

Don't get me started on tube (toob), Tuesday (toosday), due (doo) and my personal favourite, duty (doody). Longitude is just a nightmare, lon-ji-tood... give me a break!

This is the tube. It's also very British.

Mary, merry and marry are three distinct words, for those that don't pronounce them this way, please work on it.

Caught and cot are also different, please work on this. Wok and walk? Same rules apply.

How about the letter a? Why do Americans have such trouble with this? Even in the General American accent this sound can grate on British ears. It sounds like they're chewing gum.

There's also another vowel sound we like, which leads us perfectly to...

The Schwa

A schwa is a neutral vowel sound. It's just about the laziest vowel sound you can produce.

British English has a certain flow to it. Usually the stress is at the beginning of a word and the rest just sort of falls out of our mouths. As the length of a word increases, the chances of encountering a schwa approaches one. It's basically a certainty that a speaker of British English will use the odd schwa.

The issue with American English is that there aren't enough schwas! Words are too meticulously pronounced and it can come across as condescending.

The Accents

British English has a rich variety of accents across such a small island. Of course there are accents across American English, too, but they just don't change wildly enough for my liking. Most British people can tell where you're from within a 20 mile area just from your accent. I've seen Americans having to double-check if somebody is Canadian... though you can usually tell by the maple leaf on their backpack.

Look at that variation just on the "a" in "bath".

The Spelling

Though he can be commended for helping teach Americans how to read and write, Noah Webster was a known hater of the English, and therefore a wanker. Most of his spelling amendments were not only to make the language easier to write, but also as a big middle finger (rather than the better "v" sign) to the Brits who liked their language with a bit of historical colour and flavour, rather than color and flavor. It seems everyone else was quite fine with the way things were spelt... Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and even Canada to some extent.

Even though the -ize suffix is older, the language should really be moderated by those whose language it is. It is English after all, not American. The British should be allowed to change their language as and when they see fit.

The Oxford (or serial) Comma

This is an ongoing debate. From what I've seen, the Oxford comma is actually more frequently used in the U.S. rather than the UK. It can be used in both places, but we were told in school that you never put a comma before and. Of course, I will put a comma in if it can make a sentence clearer, but only then.

Idioms

The main offender here is "could care less". The British equivalent is "couldn't care less" which shows just how little you care about something. The American option makes no sense.

Zed

As always, zed is last. It's not zee... where did zee even come from? Sure, it rhymes if you sing the song rhyming with vee... as in "T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. Now I know my ABCs", except you don't as it's ZED! It rhymes with head!

At least Canadians learn the alphabet correctly...

Obviously there is no right answer to this. Tomorrow we'll have our American perspective on the issue but given that it's subjective it may never be resolved. It's a matter of opinion and we're just taking the piss.

*Note: This article and its counterpoint were written as satire. Neither of the writers actually believe that one variety of English is better than the other. Please keep this in mind and be respectful when commenting.

10 Reasons To Learn Another Language

You may only speak one language, or perhaps you already speak a few. In either case, we've got ten reasons why you should learn another language.

Skills

Learning another language is just that, learning. If you like developing your mind then there are few hobbies as challenging and rewarding as mastering another language. Many transferable skills are honed by studying a language.

Jobs

With the world becoming more connected, having an extra language can make you more desirable to employers in your own country and across the world. In a global community your language skills could get you a job in this hostile economy.

Money

Language jobs can be quite lucrative and are definitely better paid than flipping burgers. If you have the skills you can progress further and earn more. We're not guaranteeing it though, so don't sue us if you still earn minimum wage!

Languages can help you get your hands
on this and possibly other currencies.

Travelling

Travelling is much easier and definitely more fun when you know what's going on. It's best when you can speak with the locals and easily organise hotels and travel arrangements. The locals may even buy you a drink if you're friendly enough!

Where will your languages take you?

Culture

You can never really understand other cultures until you speak their language. Another language can give you a real appreciation for films, books, music and art that you never thought you'd experience. Plus, you'll never have to endure bad dubbing or subtitles again!

Social life

If you learn a language you open your world up to meeting new people. Perhaps you have a Polish neighbour you never speak to. There's no time like the present. Strike up a conversation! You'll soon realise that your neighbour isn't a miserable bastard, he only wanted to be invited to your noisy parties.

Love life

Increase your relationship prospects. If you can't talk to someone you're going to be hard-pressed to get them in the sack. Learn their language and woo them in their own tongue, they may even thank you for it. In more ways than one.

What's the Italian word for cappuccino?

Confidence

If you learn another language then you probably will have to speak it to other people at some point. Practising speaking in another language can help improve your confidence and really bring people out of their shells.

Your native language
 
Learning languages improves your ability in your own language. It may sound ridiculous but it's true. You learn about languages in general, and some things you learn in one language can improve your understanding of your own language.

Understanding the world

Learning a language won't make you all-knowing. It will, however, help you to understand a little more about the weird and wonderful creatures known as people. The whole human race is a giant and mind-numbingly complex puzzle and languages are one of the pieces.

It's a big world. You can make it feel a little less daunting with another language.

What are you waiting for?
 

Get It Right: Further And Farther

It's been a while since we've had a condescending post on common mistakes in the English language so we've got one for you today. Have we gone too far? We hardly think so.

Our confusion today comes from the changing of one little vowel. Is it a or is it u? Here we have two words that have similar meanings and similar spellings. They are usually used interchangeably and in all fairness you shouldn't be sent to the gallows for doing so.

We'll take the liberty of explaining things for you. With what we're calling "how's your farther?"

That said, if you do want to know the difference it's quite simple.

Further

Further is in degree of progression. It's having progressed more in a task, it technically does not mean in terms of distance. Though that is shifting with the common usage of it to mean both.

"How is your essay coming along?"
"I'm further along than I was yesterday..."

"...as in I have the paper."

Farther

Farther is a degree in distance. "My house is farther away than yours". It's easier to remember as it has the word far in it. If you do get stuck, avoid using it. Further is generally more acceptable and, if you like a bit of a gamble, is more likely to be correct that farther.

A Mini would get you farther on this road
than a Hummer would.

Does it matter?

We like to think getting things right in terms of language is important. There's always a time and place for it and correct usage of the two words probably won't matter in the pub, but if you want to get it right then further is metaphorical progression and farther is physical progression.
 

Do Spaniards Lisp?

Many people are familiar with the "lispy" Spanish accent. It is often wrongly attributed to people in Spain copying a speech impediment of the king. It is, in fact, nothing more than a natural evolution of the language and its pronunciation. The main letters involved in this phonological phenomenon are "c", "z" and "s".

So what is it? We have three main options: distinción, ceceo and seseo.

Distinción

In Spanish, a few letters, such as "c" when followed by "e" or "i", and "z" have various ways to be pronounced. For the large majority of accents in Spain they are pronounced in the same way one would pronounce the "th" in "think" /θ/. However, the letter "s" is not pronounced like this and it is pronounced the same way as in sink. This is known as distinción, as the speaker has made a distinction between the c or z, and s. Quite simply if they pronounce casa (house) and caza (hunt) differently. They are using distinción.

This doesn't even begin to cover most accents in Spain.

Ceceo

When they are all pronounced with our /θ/ sound, this is called ceceo. Which is also the word used for lisping. Which is a lot kinder than English using a word with an s in. In this case casa and caza are pronounced the same using /θ/ for both the "s" and the "z". This is common in certain areas with Andalusia and in many cases is not a lisp, but a feature of the accent. Of course, those with a lisp will speak the same as someone whose accent features the ceceo. We've been told that in Sylvester the Cat has a ceceo in Spanish. In fact, most of the ceceo-ing happens in Andalusia.

Is that a lisp or are you just Andaluz?

Seseo

When none of the sounds are pronounced /θ/ and are pronounced with a typical "s" sound, /s/ it is known as seseo. This is more common with speakers of Spanish in the Americas. Our test words casa and caza will both be pronounced the same, but with the /s/ "sink" sound rather than the /θ/ "think" sound.


That's all well and good, of course, those who use ceceo will pronounce ceceo and seseo the same, with the /θ/ sound, and those who use seseo will pronounce both the same but with the /s/ sound. So you can only truly know which one a speaker is talking about if they use distinción.


There is a less known one only used in very rural communities, we hear tales of the almost legendary jejeo, in which all the above sounds are pronounced in the way a Spanish speaker would pronounce the letter j, similar to a throaty h-sound in English.

So not all Spaniards lisp. Some distinguish, others don't.